Sweetly Drowning
by knealalalala
Summary: Macii is returning for her sixth year at Hogwarts. Conflicted, and somewhat depressed, from the events of last year, she fears solitude the most. But she will be surprised when she learns who will be there for her the most.
1. Prologue

_**Prologue**_

To be truthful, I was scared. The majority of me didn't want to go back there after what had happened the previous year, but all of me knew that I had to. That is where I had changed the most; where I created memories that I shared with so many people. I couldn't just forget. Plus, I was so close to the end, only two more years before I, presumably, received my N.E.W.T.s. I couldn't give it up. I really just couldn't.

This type of internal conflict was so clichéd, yet so real, that I had grown to hate myself because of it. I couldn't turn to anyone, not now. They wouldn't believe me; maybe if I had spoken up last year, but not now. I was _alone._


	2. By Now I'm Not Surprised

_**Chapter One: By now I'm not surprised…**_

In a way I was very relieved, but in another I was still very upset. This was my sixth year at Hogwarts and never had I had a Defense Against the Dark Arts professor for more than a year at a time. Though last year's choice wasn't the best. It was a dim witted, narcissistic, dunderhead by the name of Gilderoy Lockhart. Though there was nothing that bothered me more than inconsistency in my education. It was all over the place, especially in this case where each year built onto the next, but I digress.

I had just gotten of the Hogwarts Express for my sixth time and I was surrounded with friends and acquaintances. One friend in particular, Toby, walked close by. We had a special connection; we were best friends. Chattering, laughing, yelling, gossiping, and giggling all overflowed my ears like it had every other year. Well, all but the first one. Everyone was scared shitless and awkward their first year. But this year there was a topic buzzing around everyone's lips, the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher and his encounter with the _Dementor_.

"I heard he jumped in front of Harry Potter, saving him from getting his soul sucked out!" One student excitedly shared with another.

"_I_ heard that he wrestled it to the ground and gave it a good beating!" I chuckled at the silly gossip, though I can't say I wasn't curious myself, but such rumors were so ludicrous I couldn't help but laugh.

"What's so funny?" Toby inquired, raising an eyebrow, but I waved my hand. He shrugged and looked away. That's what I like about Toby; he is passive, quiet, loyal, kind, and he didn't push things out of you. A nice contrast to myself, who is loud, sensitive, calm, outgoing, and optimistic. I really am a people person, but I can get obnoxious and ill tempered. I smiled at Toby's action; it reminded me of the first time we had met. I was a frantic first year looking for a place to sit and slammed open the door to Toby's train compartment, breathing heavily from the search. He stared up at me with wide eyes, as if I were a mad man. I didn't ask him to sit with him, which was rather rude of me, I just did so. He didn't complain, he didn't even talk. It wasn't until later when we were both sorted into Ravenclaw that we even knew each other's names.

"Toby, what have you heard about the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor?" I nonchalantly asked, trying to hide my obvious interest in the gossip.

"Only the same rumors you have." He replied, not turning his head. I left it at that. Defense Against the Dark Arts was my favorite class, so I was not only interested in who was going to teach it, but the curious encounter itself.

We approached Hogwarts and did our usual routine sitting and calming ourselves down before the first years arrived. I sat down with Toby on one side and Jennifer, another sixth year Ravenclaw, on the other. The first couple of times the banquet was magical, but it had become routine in my later years. The only notably enjoyable thing about it now was the house pride you got to show whenever a first year was sorted into your house.

"Coggle." I heard someone speak my last name and I turned around to see a Hugglepuff boy, Cederic Digory, who had been insistent on irritating me to the fullest since our second year.

"Digory," I appropriately replied. "Do you have any other pass times? Any other girls you like to annoy? I'm sure they would appreciate much more than I do." I gave him a smirk. He was a notorious flirt, which was to be expected with the majority of the girls were drooling over him. I, however, found him to be exactly what he was; arrogant and annoying. But I guess that was my opinion. Upset by my reply, he pouted and trudged on with his Hugglepuff friends.

Jennifer was about to comment on the previous altercation, or how good looking she thought Cedric was, but the entering first years silenced her. The hat sorting ceremony started and about every 2 seconds-2 minutes a round of cheering and applause would break out. Ravenclaw gained 18 new members, 10 boys and 8 girls, which was roughly the number each other house received. After the first years settled in we ate and ate. Tired, from my foolish choice of not sleeping on the train, I decided to leave early.

"I'm going to go to my dorm. Get a little unpacking done early." I whispered to Tobi and gave him a smile. He nodded and I slithered out of the room trying not to draw attention.

Needs and wants. Two very different things. I needed to be here, but I wanted different. I could feel my attachments to _**it**_ unravel, consuming me more. I couldn't justify it; I couldn't even understand it. _Why had I done it?_ The air was stale with last year's emotions and failures. I could taste it, it was that palpable. These types of thoughts fought a war within my head daily, whenever I was alone. I was used to it, it-

"Oh, I'm sorry Miss!" I heard from a voice that came from above my head. I was on the floor; my thoughts had distracted me from my walking and I had bumped into someone. I looked up to see a hand being offered, it took me a moment to gather myself, but I gratefully accepted. With their help, I straightened up and saw them in the dim lighting. An older man, stress stringed across his face, and dusty, light brown hair that drooped down sadly. His face was gentle, but worried and his clothes were tattered and patched in several places. I had seen him before.

"That's alright." I assured him giving him a warm smile. He smiled back, tipped his head to me, and swiftly went on in the opposite direction that I was heading. Slowly I took a few steps and once I thought he was far enough away, I took a peek back. He was the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor that Dumbledor had introduced just the previous hour, but for the life of me what his name was. I shrugged, I'd learn soon enough.

*_**Authors Note: Okay, so I know this chapter was kind of short and boring, but it served as an introduction. Please review and hopefully you'll bear through the next chapter until I actually get to the storyline. (I have a feeling there is going to be a lot of past in the next chapter.) And for the few who read this, thank you! **_


	3. The Start of Something?

_**Chapter Two: The Start of Something?**_

It was breakfast of the first day of classes and Professor Flitwick was frantically passing out our new schedules for the year. He hurried down the table practically throwing the piece of parchment at us.

"Miss Coggle." He muttered, chucking my schedule at me. I unraveled it to find the most unpleasing site. Potions. First class of the day, mixed with Hufflepuffs. I wasn't very fond of Snape, as most of the students weren't, but I thought he was bearable. It was the Hufflepuffs that bothered me. Hufflepuffs meant Cederic Digory. Boy, did that guy annoy the shit out of me. I sighed knowing that the mornings of Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays were going to be my personal hell for the rest of this year. Toby looked at me, knowing what my sigh was about.

"Look at the bright side, it's only one class." He chirped. I raised an eyebrow at his happy tone. I took a look at his schedule; the same as mine.

"Hmmm, yes, and three split classes with the Slytherins." I smirked at him and he rolled his eyes. Toby had his eye on a sixth year Slytherin girl by the name of Angelica. "No doubt that you're pleased with this." He was about to retort with a witty comeback, but his dialogue was cut off by the arrival of the owls. The letters started flying down to their rightful owners; well in most cases. There were a few mix ups here and there. Finally my owl, Kallisto, dropped a crisp, white muggle envelope in front of me. I extended my finger for him to land upon and he accepted, nudging his head on my nose. I chuckled and smiled. Kallisto meant 'most beautiful' in Greek. It was arrogant and cliché, but I thought it and it's meaning was pretty. Leaning forward, I kissed it's forehead and let it fly back out. I turned my attention to my letter, which was no doubt from my overprotective mother. I stuck my finger in the corner opening and slid it along the seal to open it. I sighed and began reading the message that I had read a thousand times before.

_**Dear Macii,**_

_** How are you doing? Everything alright? You know I'm always worried about you! Promise you'll right about everything that goes on and stay out of trouble. Don't get in any trouble, especially with magic. I wouldn't know what I would do if anything happened to you. Everything here is alright, the same and usual. Just write if you ever want to come home and we will pull you from classes! Keep up in your studies and don't forget to write back!**_

_** With all the love in the world,**_

_** Your mother, Tonya**_

_**P.S. Your dad says he loves you and will find time to write to you later.**_

That was my mother. It's not that she _didn't like_ the wizarding world, it's that she didn't fully trust it; she was unsure of it. She wanted nothing more than for me to come home and attend a regular high school, but I hated muggle school. I was forced to go to it up until my fifth grade year. I always got bad marks and hated the ignorant kids. How could they know nothing of magic? But my mother insisted on having a 'well rounded daughter', so I was submerged into both worlds. I studied some magical subjects at home and the regular, dull muggle subjects at school. Not to say that there aren't pleasant things about the muggle world; I could go on for quite some time, I just preferred this world better. It was hard to mix the two. My dad, on the other hand, didn't care either way. He wanted for me to lead whatever life I wanted. Though while I appreciated that more than my mother's outlook, I favored my mother to my father. My father was a very busy man; he always had been, so I had never gotten to really know him. I didn't have a problem with it, he had to work long hours.

The bell rang and everyone rose, all excited for their classes to start. Toby and I slithered around the crowded halls and the annoying, confused first years asking the professors that could be found where they had to be. We hurried to our usual potions classroom, hoping that we could get there in time so we at least didn't have to sit in the front. Once in the classroom there was only a few students had already arrived, but sure enough the whole back row was full. We sighed simultaneously and chose a seat on the left side in the middle of the class. After that the classroom quickly filled up with Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs. I looked around, but Cederic wasn't there yet. There were two seats left and, unfortunately, one of them was the one to my right. I saw Jennifer enter the room in a rush and I called out to her.

"Jennifer!"

She stopped short and I pointed to the seat next to me with a smile. She mouthed 'sorry' and chose the other empty seat, which I noticed was next to her best friend. I heard the door close one more time and I cringed. I didn't want to turn around and acknowledge him; I already knew who it was.

"Oh! Luck me." I heard the bastard sarcastically announce and he slid in to my right hand seat. The tardy bell rang as Snape entered the classroom in his usual manner; a permanent frown and ridiculous, flowing black robes that I swear he only wore to intimidate the students. I actually found him quite comical.

"Stop that chattering at once." He demanded in his usual dull drone. We all sighed at his normal greeting, all secretly wishing something that would never change, had magically changed over the summer. He went on with his typical first-day-of-school-speech about us being a load of dunderheads and such.

As class slowly went on I found that Cedric had tossed a note on my desk. I looked at it, then at Snape. He was too caught up in his speech to notice, so I picked it up between two fingers and flicked it back at him. This was only answered by him copying my actions. I sent him a glare that could probably kill, but his smirk persisted. Without opening it once again, I chucked it back at him with more force, but he just mimicked my actions.

"Open it!" He whispered. I rolled my eyes and gave up. I unfolded and blankly stared at what I found within it.

_**Hi :) **_

__I heard him chuckle and I crumpled up the note. Oh my god, this guy was difficult. Then I heard the dreaded voice speak my name.

"Mr. Digory, Miss Coggle, I suggest you pay attention," He snapped. "and put more energy into your education instead of your social lives." He sent us a glare and went back to his rambles. Toby nudged me and I rolled my eyes. I was used to Snape's short fuse. Eventually the bell rang and I hurried out, dodging Cederic, with Toby.

"Defense Against the Dark Arts is next." I half muttered, half said to Toby. The classroom wasn't too far away, just up a flight stairs and down a corridor. We were the first to arrive and Toby headed for a back seat. "I want to sit in the front." I simply stated and he followed. I set my stuff down in the "over achiever seat" and leaned against the side of the desk.

I curiously eyed the professor who was nervously rearranging the items on his desk. Not surprisingly, anyone would be nervous on their first day of any job. It was his first day; he probably has butterflies in his stomach and already tired from dealing with inattentive students. Maybe it would be polite to say something instead of slouching here awkwardly. There were still very few students in the classroom and we had several minutes before class started. Why was _**I **_getting nervous; with all these thoughts running through my head, why didn't I just say something? Oh! But what if he thought I was sucking up? I pushed my insecurities out of my mind and made my decision.

"Good morning, professor…?" I greeted with a smile, hoping to make his first day a little less stressful.

"Lupin, Professor Lupin." He replied, extending his hand over his desk with a tired smile. I accepted it, and gave a firm shake. "And you are…?"

"Macii Coggle." I replied thanking god; he was already an improvement from last year. He wasn't an airhead and he was courteous. I spied the plethora of novels and text books that already cluttered his desk. Though directly below me was a familiar, tattered book. A novel by an unknown wizard called, '_Sweetly Drowning'_. My favorite book for several reasons. The subtle hints of romance that could never really exist between a teacher and his student, that get thrown into an outrageous adventure was just so… interesting. The title _'Sweetly Drowning'_ referred to how the female student felt her sanity slipping away throughout the book. I pointed to it, not sure if it would be rude to just pick it up, and spoke. "Have you finished it?"

"Oh yes, many times over. One of my favorites." He revealed. My face twisted between surprise and delight.

"Me too!" We smiled at each other as the bell rang. "Well, nice to meet you." He tipped his head to like he has done the previous night and I turned to go back to my seat. I slumped into my chair as Professor Lupin rose from his desk. He walked around his desk and started down the aisle to my left, walking past me and-

"Macii!" I heard a hiss from my right, swinging my head in that direction to see Toby with a confused look on his face. "I've been trying to get your attention forever. Is something wrong?" I shook my head no, and he smiled, jabbing his thumb to his right. I peered around him to see Angelica sitting next to him. Beaming, I gave him a nonchalant thumbs up. He had been chasing her since our third year, but she was oblivious to his obvious interest in her. I was happy for him. Love, for me, wasn't… present, I guess? I was almost 17 and, other than one muggle in primary school, I had never really taken a fancy to anyone. I hated the boy's antics, and I considered girls, but I hate their whiney neediness. It bothered me to no end because I had never known what I wanted, but I think it just hit me. I wanted a _man_. It made perfect sense. My father had been there without really being there and now I craved the attention from someone who was mature and could match me intellectually. It all made sense. I smiled at my own little epiphany as Professor Lupin passed up my right hand aisle. It all made sense now…

_**Author's Note: Okay… I know in the previous chapter I said Hugglepuff, but I'd just like to say… No, there is just no excusing that. I'm sorry. I'm stupid. :) Please review! Any type of feedback is appreciated!**_


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